timing

I really wanted to see the counselor this week but she's not here all week long, then there's china week, so I kind of have to put it off for two weeks. I mean I really geared myself up to go get help and my timing is all off.
Today was another one of those days where I was completely out of 'it'. Everything felt quite distant and I was dreadfully tired all day long. I felt sick as soon as the bus started pulling up in school, not because I was actually sick, but because I just didn't want to be there. Most of the time I'm in school, I wish I could be home curled up alone in my bed, just not having to think about going back to school ever again. It's not because I hate the people but (there's nothing wrong with the people) I just completely hate the way I feel when I'm there. So obviously, I didn't learn anything today, cause half the time my mind was half drifting to the darkness, and I got a headache from the drifting in and out of reality and constantly spacing out.
I exercised today, cause I convinced myself I was a lazy piece of shit.
then I spent god knows how long just lying on the floor doing nothing.
well I'm trying to do math now and I can't solve shit because I can't focus, god I hate math, so what if I got a fucking 97%, I still don't like it. I don't like doing most of the things I'm good at. And I'm rubbish at everything I'm interested in. Oh the irony.
I want to slit my throat and die in a pool of my own blood. fuck everything. nothing is worth doing anything for.