Sunday 9 September 2012

practically ruining my own life

help, I haven't completed a single piece of homework, at home, for the current school year. Its not like I'm not trying, every time I sit down to do something I blank out. Then I spend the rest of the time on the internet, and when there's nothing left to do on the internet I just sit and think about how nothing is important, and homework can just go fuck itself, and how much I would rather be drowning in icy cold water than be here, right now.

This is the worst cause I'm just making everything harder for myself, and I start having almost-panic attacks and everything caves in and I want to throw up, when I realise all the shit I haven't done is due the next day. Like right now, I didn't even bring home my sports studies homework, I can't solve anything in the add math homework and I can't sit down to do the biology homework. I literally do it standing up and answer 1 question every 10mins or so. Nothing is working. Oh wait, there's still Geography.

I wished I lived someone else, maybe I could learn to drive since I'm 16 and I could drive off a cliff or over a bridge.

bloody homework is the least of my problems, because I still would be a colossal mess if I didn't have that problem. When am I going to be able to talk to people and not constantly lie for no fucking reason? When am I going to be able to keep an actual conversation going? When am I going to get some fucking will power? When am I going to be treated like a 16 year old, I mean fucking hell, why can't I ride my fucking bike to school? WHY THE HELL DO YOU ONLY TREAT ME LIKE I'M 16 WHEN IT IS FUCKING EASY FOR YOU?

I'm a bit on edge now, because I just got a tooth pulled out and I'm in the between numbness and pain stage and everything seems like nothing, vice versa.

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