help.

Talked to a friend today, and found we were both pretty fucking down the depression spiral. Its kind of a bittersweet thing, because at least we have someone who understand how completely shit you feel and the oddest of time, but at the same time its sad someone feels as bad as I do. The feelings of going home just sitting in front of your computer, just aimlessly scrolling through tumblr or the web, just not doing anything of any value; thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. I haven't done a single piece of homework at home this year, all my homework's been done during registration or lunch and break. I completely fucking up this year, which is sad cause this year I have to take my IGCSEs.

So I'm seriously considering going to the counselor sometime soon, cause a friend told me it sort of helped, that it was just nice to tell someone everything. I really need to, before I do something stupid, like last time. That fucking hurt for days. I hope I can trust her, and she won't tell my parents, cause that will fuck shit up even more and I'll probably get worse.

I've been trying to overlook my birthday, but it's tomorrow. All I wanted to do is come home from school and sleep the whole day away, but there's cake, which I don't mind, so I asked a couple of friends to come over. Then we're going for dinner. I wanted to go for dinner on Saturday instead, cause I always feel more tired than usual on Friday, but Dad doesn't listen. The most ridiculous part is that he ASKED me if I wanted to go on Friday or Saturday and I said Saturday, but he just hears whatever he wants to hear I guess. I don't want to be sixteen cause everything seems to get worse as I get older. Sixteen is supposed to be this big fucking thing but I don't want to do anything about it, I think I might regret this later, but right now I'd just rather not think about it. I just want to stop everything right now, but time is a spinning loom that never stops and it continues to weave my existence no matter my protests.