nights like these

I have that ridiculous Add Math test tomorrow, pretty convinced I'm not scoring for that. Well I'm having a hard time falling asleep even though I was incredibly tired and lethargic all day long, so now I'm blogging in bed. Just thinking about things. My friend cried cause she didn't understand math today, honestly she needs to get a grip, when she cries over trivial matters like these I honestly just want to slap her on the face and ask her to get a hold of herself. "IT IS JUST FUCKING MATH" What happens when she's faced with bigger problems? I don't want her going through a complete mental breakdown tbh, that shit is not for everyone. Especially because I feel she's kind of mentally weak, and way more short tempered and unable to hide her emotions well. She probably will not be able to pick herself up, her parents may have to step in, I don't know why, I'm completely insulting her, aren't I? I just feel she's weaker, mentally.
I think that's a really bitch move to make, since I don't really know what's going on with her. I don't really know what's going with anyone. Mostly I think I'm trying to distract myself.

I mentioned my attempt at math homework yesterday, and that was my first attempt at doing homework at home all year long, and it was a complete tragedy.
Today isn't a good day either my stomach is being a complete bitch which is part of the reason why I can't sleep. I've been thinking about things I might say to the counselor, I don't want to give away too much, because I don't want her calling my parents. That would screw things up, my family never talks about real feelings. I think my brother and I are pretty fucked up inside. When I found out he was suicidal before (which was completely by accident, on tumblr) I was sad, unexpectedly, very very sad. I mean what the fuck is wrong with my family? Both children want to kill themselves and my parents know nothing, and they think that we are all spoilt brats that get too much. I'm not saying we're great children, we are pretty ungrateful, but my family know nothing about each other. I only know what my brother likes and does because occasionally I go on his facebook page to check out his music.

I still miss my brother though, just him being there. It felt like I wasn't the only one trapped here, that I wasn't the only subjected to my father's ridiculous mood swings and anger management problems. That usualy when we were together we could just roll our eyes and ignore it. Now that I'm alone it just gets under my skin and makes me want to get out of the car on the highway or scream and punch someone in the face (I am not even joking here) sometimes I want my brother to hold my hand, but them I remember we've never held hands and supported each other, and I've never been there for him so why should he be here for me?

this was long and rather unfruitful.