The Shrinking Room

My time alone is up for now. My parents are getting back tomorrow evening, and I would like to go out for dinner to avoid the trick-or-treaters since I won't be getting any candy this year. Well, because my parents HAVE to see me when they get back.

I feel completely exhausted this week because it started completely rubbish. I woke up an hour late, and ended up having to exaggerate my ailments on the phone to my parents to avoid having to go to school. However, even with the extra time I did not do any homework because I am the Queen of Procrastination and will ultimately ruin my entire existence further with this habit. The I had 3 different sports to play on tuesday and I got hit in the face by a rounders ball (which in case you didn't know, it a smaller baseball but equally hard), because I was sort of high for not eating with my flu (and other) medication (whoops). And I had a sport everyday this week and tomorrow too. My hamstrings and back are really fucked up now....I don't even remember when I hurt them.

Well aside from that, even being left alone I felt not much more free, just barely free at all. I don't even like having a driver, I don't like planning times to leave with other people and having awkward silent drives to places. I like getting to places on my own at my own pace. I don't know how to explain it, I just loathe the majority of this arrangement. (I'm using loathe, I know, I'm sorry I started reading The Importance Of Being Earnest for English) I really want an electric vespa, it is totally legal for me to get one if you were wondering. It would be so much easier. But even as I get older my parents are still making the ground I stand on shrink.

I want to be alone a lot, and I don't think making friends will help me with that, but not making friends will just make me feel worse. I don't know, it's like I'm a cornered animal, and I can't make out what's pushing me into this corner. It feels like the walls are closing in, and I don't know why I always feel this way and it's getting more intense, but I never get the nerve to get help and I might be destroying my own chances to be anything I want to be.