I think I'm a very bad person. Simply because I care very little for people. Mom just told about something that is quite important, healthwise, and honestly, I didn't feel very much at all. Then Dad barely said two words and got cut off, and I felt a sense of relief. I don't know if it is my complete detest for talking on the phone, or just more evidence on how I am a bad child and a bad person.
On a side note, after almost two years, I am still finding it ridiculously difficult to do homework. This is probably because for 14 years of my life, I barely ever did homework at home or handed anything in on time, and there were barely any consequences. I guess that was the perks of having 40 in a class. Now it's so easy to check who doesn't do their shit, and really I can't fucking do anything. When I get home it's like nothing that happened today or is going to happen tomorrow matters, I can't fucking get my shit together to make progress on anything. This is not the best year to be falling into this whirlpool of self destruction but it sure as hell looks like I'm already mid way in. I can't go to the counselor tomorrow, because I have basketball trails, I don't know if I'll ever just man up and go in there and get help, cause I'm taking that path in my mind again, and it's heading further down than it has before.
This may explain my complete detachment from people and feelings. It's like I'm here out of the circle of existence and merely an observer of others' lives. It's like my life is not real and I could disappear at anytime.
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