Really, what am I doing? (I should be doing math hw that was due last week and hw that's due tomorrow)

They handed out the booklets for IB options today, I was making jokes to conceal my utter insecurity and almost complete anxiety about this. I very nearly started hyperventilating when I flipped through it. I have no clear path in life and I really don't know what to do. I mean sure it'll open up lots of options if I do biology and chemistry at higher level, but I don't think that's what I really want. I want to take film, but I don't know what I'll do with it later in life, I can't seem to validify wanting to be a screenwriter or director or critic as a viable option for a career. I mean being as Asian as I am, my parents are all for the engineering, doctor and lawyer shit but I DON'T KNOW.  I know no one is going to pay for me to go to film school or anything like that. I don't even know whether I am talented enough to do this because I haven't actually tried, I have ideas and dreams but that's all they are.

help this whole thing is so distracting and it's bringing back all the bad thoughts. I can feel them gnawing on me from the back of my head.

"As a teenager I was so insecure. I was the type of guy that never fitted in because he never dared to choose. I was convinced I had absolutely no talent at all. For nothing. And that thought took away all my ambition too.”- Johnny Depp

This is exactly how I feel right now, because I can't choose and I honestly think I'm not good enough for anything. I have to drive because I feel like anything I'm interest in doing is completely out of my league. I hope I can find something I can do with a passion, something that I like and doesn't leave me on the street begging for money and affection. I hope I turn out somewhat like Johnny, he found something he loved and that he is incredible at. I hope I can have that too.