With a record breaking 3 (mini) panic attacks and a never ending slew of suicidal thoughts it is safe to say that if this week keeps going the way today and all of last week went, I will probably kill myself in the foreseeable future. It is also safe to say, without exageration that I am going to fail the math test because I have no fucking idea what is going on in additional math any time on any topic. Who the fuck said I was good at math needs to stop saying it because it just makes me feel worse about myself and makes me want to constantly stab myself until I bleed to death.
Monday, 25 February 2013
Saturday, 9 February 2013
There is are no age restrictions
"I'm so tired"
"Of what?"
"Of everything."
"What's a young girl like you got to be tired about?"
That is my problem, people don't think depression is possible in young people. I just want to say depression is equally possible in the young and the old. Maybe a kid can't really tell if they're really depressed...I sure as hell didn't know that me wanting to kill myself and crying myself to sleep for most nights when I was 12 was a symptom of having suicidal depression, but that doesn't mean I wasn't depressed. People need to get over the fact the people no matter how young or old are capable of complex emotions. Children know failure and disappointment too.
The same is said for the elderly...I'm thinking about this tonight cause my aunt mentioned not buying anti depressants for my grandad and buying all his other medication because she didn't think he was a "psycho case". That just made me so angry..cause having depression doesn't mean you are insane, it's an illness all the same and there is goddamn medication for it. Why can pain everywhere be treated and considered normal but once your brain is the organ that is trouble you're considered not normal? Nevertheless I had to suppress my outburst on that topic cause I cannot let my family know about my shit cause they clearly think it suggests I am crazy...well at least the "adults" of the family do.
Sometimes coming home makes me as sad as being away from home. Nobody I want to see has time for me and I don't get to stay alone in a hotel room. There are so many unmentioned expectations and regulations that I am supposed to adhere to.
"Of what?"
"Of everything."
"What's a young girl like you got to be tired about?"
That is my problem, people don't think depression is possible in young people. I just want to say depression is equally possible in the young and the old. Maybe a kid can't really tell if they're really depressed...I sure as hell didn't know that me wanting to kill myself and crying myself to sleep for most nights when I was 12 was a symptom of having suicidal depression, but that doesn't mean I wasn't depressed. People need to get over the fact the people no matter how young or old are capable of complex emotions. Children know failure and disappointment too.
The same is said for the elderly...I'm thinking about this tonight cause my aunt mentioned not buying anti depressants for my grandad and buying all his other medication because she didn't think he was a "psycho case". That just made me so angry..cause having depression doesn't mean you are insane, it's an illness all the same and there is goddamn medication for it. Why can pain everywhere be treated and considered normal but once your brain is the organ that is trouble you're considered not normal? Nevertheless I had to suppress my outburst on that topic cause I cannot let my family know about my shit cause they clearly think it suggests I am crazy...well at least the "adults" of the family do.
Sometimes coming home makes me as sad as being away from home. Nobody I want to see has time for me and I don't get to stay alone in a hotel room. There are so many unmentioned expectations and regulations that I am supposed to adhere to.
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