New things

I really want to start this thing where I learn something new every summer, so I don't feel like a completely useless/talentless person. Last summer I taught myself to ride a bike, and this summer I was really planning on teaching myself to roller blade, but all the holidays are leaving me with no time at all. I'm not saying I didn't like the US trip or that I don't like staying in SG, just that there's kind of a downside to everything. Well now I really want to learn to skateboard instead of roller blade, I guess I could learn to roller blade next summer. The only problem is where am I going to get a skateboard in shanghai where I practically can't go out alone (this is actually the worst cause I like going out alone.) And I have to get it as soon as we get back so I get maximum time to teach myself, and still get time to do all the damn holiday homework which I haven't even started. TRULY HATE HOLIDAY HOMEWORK. The definition of holiday is: day(s) of festivity or recreation when no work is done seriously why can't people abide by the rules, there should be no such thing as holiday homework. Regular goddamn homework already makes me want to shoot myself in the face.

urgh longboards are bloody awesome, but I'm probably going to get an inexpensive regular skateboard just to get started. Hope mom doesn't flip shit when I bring one back, I mean fuck it, I'll wear knee and elbow pads ok.

Haven't had any conversations about feelings to anyone for a very long time, I don't even remember how long. Just I don't know how to start, and most of the time I'd rather try to help other people with their problems. Mostly I feel distant from everyone I know and I probably have big trust issues with all people, I don't know, sometimes it feels like I'm involuntarily combust if I don't talk about all the shit I feel. Usually I just choose to ignore it when I'm with people cause it's easier, but when I'm alone it eats at my insides, finding its way out, but there's no one to talk to so it just stays there.
I don't know what I'm saying so I should stop.

on another note, I did watch Moonrise Kingdom (alone.) and I really enjoyed. It might be because I'm biased, cause I really like Wes Anderson's movies, but truthfully, I think lots more people should go see this movie. I really like the way he makes movies with characters than are ultimately completely relate-able, and yet placed in situations and worlds that seem more surreal than realistic. I don't really have the words to describe it. These characters are completely human, but they are somewhat bolder, or certain aspects of them are more amplified, and the world they're in is realistic but with certain quite unrealistic aspects. Does that sound like complete bullshit? Anyway Wes Anderson always has movies that deal with things like troubled children/childhood and odd love, and the colour palette he uses in the movies are always very pretty.

So moonrise kingdom was well worth the money, but there were only what 8 people in the theater. This movie will make you laugh and go aww, and all kinds of things. Edward Norton as the scout master was pretty funny, and comparing him to the characters he's played in other movies, just makes me like him even more as an actor. I can't totally describe how I feel about the entire movie.
well you should watch it to get your own opinion.

p.s. really liked the part they were dancing on the beach, it was funny, yet kind of a coming of age moment.

Beliefs

I don't really believe in anything that I can't see. I mean I don't have a religion, cause I don't really believe there's a god or anything like that. I don't really believe there are things after death, I think ghosts are just things from movies and stories, I think when you die, you're dead and that's the end of it. I think I don't really have faith in anything either, I'm rather pessimistic...
Really I think it started with my mom, she doesn't have a religion either, but she is kind of on the fence about everything. She doesn't believe in anything, not completely, but she isn't convinced they don't exist. There's nothing solid about what she thinks. I mean I was never really around an environment where people really believed in things that weren't tactile and try to make me believe too. My mom always places doubts in my mind about people, about things, she kind of takes the fun out of everything by being overly realistic or just pushing dumb 'facts' she thinks are true. I loathe it.

I think it's kind of better to have things to believe in cause you have something to fall on, something to hope for. I really have nothing to turn to, no person, no higher power, but I can't just "join a religion" because I don't want to trick myself into believing things I really don't trust. I don't really know why I'm saying all these things, just a lot of people I know have religions and I'm the only one who just has nothing to believe in.

Probably gonna watch Moonrise Kingdom alone  tomorrow, since everyone I know is in school and no one I talked to really knows/likes Wes Anderson anyway.  Hope I enjoy it as much as his other movies.
Don't really have a problem eating, going to movies, shopping alone anymore, guess I'm getting used to being alone most of the time. I actually like being alone most of the time, I usually only want to spend time with my friends, or my mom (occasionally).

Just heard the acoustic version of Into Your Arms by The Maine, like it a bit more than the studio version.

Went back to school

Went back to Nan Hua today. It was nice to meet all my friends and see people I haven't seen in ages. Almost couldn't get it, luckily the security guard recognised me and let me just be around the canteen.
Met up with my old classmates before that, Zen Young, Hou Joo and Leon are still ridiculously and slightly crudely funny. Nevertheless it was just all laughs.

Discussions about the Human Centipede were oddly amusing but mostly gross. I mean who the fuck comes up with this kind of shit, and the second one, oh god, just reading the plot synopsis makes me want to dunk my brain in a vat of rubbing alcohol. Seriously at least Martyrs had some kind of meaning behind it, this is just some fucked up dude stitching people together.

Anyway, I'm glad I'm not leaving today, I can spend a little more time with my friends and also watch Moonrise Kingdom (Wes Anderson! Whoop!)

 

Already watch The Dark Knight Rises twice which was AMAZING, possibly because Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale are one of my favourite directors and actors. Also had time to watch Memento, which was THE BEST. I can't explain with words how great I found that movie...just...if you haven't watched it yet GO, GO WATCH IT NOW.