afraid

I am eternally bound by the limits of my fears, they are fervid, fierce and grow stronger everday.

They were suppressed for a day or two when I was coming to terms with the choices I have made and trying to be supportive of myself, but in came the swooping words of 'advice and reason' from the people who believe to see the 'whole picture'. They remind me constantly that my idealistic choices will get me nowhere and I am doing all the wrong things - the anxiety builds. They remind me incessantly of the lack of career and success I am heading for - so the fear consumes. It is now here to stay, the internal pit, widening it's reach with every hour it steeps. I do not know how to leave it all behind so I just trudge on with the weight on my shoulders.

Make it stop, please, but only I can. However, I cannot bring myself to push it all aside, I do not feel I have to strength to and every minute I give in I grow weaker. It is only a matter of time before the wave pulls me completely, and I drown in the dark sea I so wish to escape.