Recently I got a certificate telling me I was 3rd in the level for academics. That didn't please me or motivate me, because I hadn't been trying at all. Well, now I sound like an ungrateful bitch, but honestly, I don't feel a sense of achievement if I haven't actually tried. This just got me thinking again about how unfair the world is, I get recognition for putting close to zero effort into something, and someone else who has been trying extremely hard but is still getting Cs or Bs gets no pat on the pack or encouragement.

It angers me that I always end up good at things I don't really want to try at, but am absolute rubbish at things I really put so much effort into. It angers me that things I try at get taken away from me.

I'm not saying I don't want to be good at getting great grades (this is always a plus) but it seems to be getting in the way for some reason. This is probably because I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and getting As in everything does not help me eliminate any choices. (now I sound even more like a ungrateful bitch)  Looking at my IB options again, I have completely disregarded everything I am doing at IGCSE, I am not taking Economics or Geography (both of which I am getting A* in) I am instead taking psychology. I am not taking chemistry or physics ( I am taking film, because I genuinely love film and really want to make movies that let people feel and experience things they could not experience themselves, or show them that they aren't the only people who feel this way) but what if I am not making the right choice. Because I honestly have no idea if I could be any good at film, and no one believes in me.

I hope I can turn out being good at something I genuinely try at and genuinely like.