My entire life is a series of mishaps. Look, I had one growth spurt when I was 13 that left me with stretch marks and messed with my coordination making the clumsiest 13 year old, and now I haven't grown at all since then. What is the meaning of this? Also I very regally dribble all over myself and fall down stairs . Oh well, it ends when it ends.

This is my favourite poem:

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Not Waving But Drowning by Stevie Smith

I think it's fairly easy to understand the surface meaning and it expresses a lot of what I feel and what a lot of people feel (I think) and every time I re read it I find out a little bit more about it.

Looking forward

Well I'm stuck in this hotel in Huang Shan, and would be more than happy if our flights back to shanghai were tomorrow instead of the day after, so in blogging.

For the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to things in the future. I'm going to have a go at having a job in a office. I am looking forward to that cause, as boring as it may sound I want to see what it's like to work in an office and find out if I can cope with that. (Because right now I really want to be a filmmaker and not being able to do an office job would just make me work harder to succeed I guess and kind of give me more reasons to try at filmmaking)
I am also going to be seeing Fall Out Boy live. I want to get there really early so we can get right up to the barrier and I want to tell Pete and Patrick and everyone that we were all waiting for them and I want to thank them for making the music that they do and for growing up with me. I want to let them know how happy it made me to find out they were back (and how it help soften the blow of MCR being something of the past.) I hope they sing What A Catch because that song basically sums up all of me, and sugar we're going down (tween feels) and so many others! Just....

On top of that I am also going to see Metallica live and just...they are gods. I want to hear enter sandman and fade to black (because suicidal feels). I payed so much more than I told my mom I did, but it's Metallica so FYeah! I'm so glad I managed to get tickets because they sold out in like an hour!

On the other hand these things all happen in August, which means I will be back in school soon after that...sigh...stepping closer to being an adult. I just want to 7 again, then this lack of freedom I have now would be acceptable.